THE SECOND POST IS FICTION SERIALISED IN THE FORM OF A NEWS WEBSITE
NEWS 27 Feb 2018 CCTV, CRIME, AWARDS
‘And the winner is . . . CCTV DR 427/SD!’
The Association of Fixed Point Surveillance Operatives has awarded its most coveted CCTV Camera of the Year trophy to a security camera responsible for the conviction of seventeen people for crimes which have included murder, assault as well as the recovery of three missing children and four lost pets.
Category 11 Feb 2018
books, fiction, humourShut it, Jeeves Richard Marden Heinrich & Cole £14.95 . In this biliously joyous reincarnation of one of English literature’s most loved creations Bertie Wooster appears before us as a louche calculating conman. Jeeves, his seedy, alcoholic and ingratiating servant has been left a substantial legacy by a previous employer but being without interests or ambition and knowing no other life than being in service takes refuge in servitude to Wooster. Jeeves panders to his master on whom he depends for a life, while Wooster who depends on him for a living reciprocates by treating him like dirt and forcing him to carry out the thefts from the grand houses to which he is often invited. Wooster who is above suspicion happily incriminates his host’s servants and let them take the blame. The terrible duo leave a trail of genteel plunder and pillage in their wake, whether the theft of Lady Grim-Bartle’s fabled Mariksburg diamond or the pig-knapping, sale of the Empress of Blandings to an unwitting Blandings butcher. Throughout Wooster plays the buffoon while Jeeves really is one. The former maintains his hold over Jeeves by offering him occasionally successful hangover cures and racing tips, managing his inheritance and rescuing him from adverse circumstances into which naivety has led him. Shut It Jeeves – not so much a novel than a loosely linked series of short stories – brings the partnership to an end when Wooster cons Jeeves out of the remains of his dwindling inheritance and vamooses as his wretched servant is wrongly convicted of robbery and jailed – a poignant denouement not least because one feels sure that this engagingly ghastly duo still has much more to offer.
QUIZ 7 Feb 2018 quiz, perplexus PERPLEXUS: ANSWERS TO QUIZ NUMBER 211
20 Feb Contradictionary (Z-22) Thinking disorder (K-63) Louis cat oars (V-88) Zerozone (N-9) Robbing Hood (A-37) Afro-saxons (R-15)
NEWS 5 Feb 2018
SOCIETY, MONARCHY, HEAD LOSS
Charles I, England’s ill-fated monarch whose rule divided the country into two and who later suffered the same fate himself.
This week’s call for the pardon of suffragettes convicted for offences committed in their campaign for votes for women may have been prompted by the Carolean Society’s long running battle to get the Government to pardon Charles I and rescind his execution according to Professor Ted Peasely of the University of West Spalding.
‘If they could see on my face what I feel in my heart no one would ever fight me’ – Yasuhiro Yamashita
SPORT 1 Feb 2018HORSERACINGRACING TIPS
2.20 Cheeseborough Happy Haloumi
3.10 Carnoustie Bucket List
3.30 Kingsbridge Arup Moi
FROM OUR ARCHIVES 24 Feb 2934 BCminerals, technologyTRENDING . . .
Bronze and bronze-based products Some fab jewellery and accessories plus cutting edge cookware.
NEWS 18 Feb 2018 HEALTH, HOSPITALS The first of three private sector ‘bareboat hospitals’ open later this week eight months behind schedule. The trio which are part of a pilot project run by Elcare Medical are based on a third-world model which hospitals supply doctors and beds but patients’ families provide food, bedding and basic nursing care.
NEWS 14 Feb 2018 clubs, gangsA South London street gang has adopted the Garrick Club’s famous ‘cucumber and salmon’ tie colours.
The distinctive pale pink and green now identifies members of the notoriously violent Badtown Croo.
NEWS 8 Feb 2018 ENERGY, WIND POWER Anxiety in the renewable energy sector is growing with the announcement that the much anticipated report from the Leyland-Martin committee, The Case for Inner City Wind Farms is now expected to be published next month before the Treasury can make its objections.
LETTERS56 Feb 2018dorchester, PRESIDENTS CLUB, SEXISM, Dear Sir,
As one of the attendees at the Presidents Club Charity dinner last Thursday please allow me to respond to the appalling misreporting of this event particularly the outlandishly inaccuracy in suggesting egregious behaviour on the part of one of the diners. The confusion arose from a typographical error in an email account of the event. It was reported that when the time for charitable giving one of the announcers said that the gentleman concerned ‘is getting his chequebook out and now his pen is out and he is ready to sign.’ Public and media reaction to this well-meaning event was outrageous and I should make clear I for one was more than happy to be part of this philanthropic occasion and see no shame in having been there.
Name and address withheld.
OBITUARY 3 Feb 2018 OBITUARY, POETRY, STADIUM TAM ‘TOM’ LLEWELLYN Rock star bard who became the first of the stadium poets Tam Llewellyn, who died in an aircraft crash near Vancouver Island at the weekend, was the person most credited with the transition of the Cinderella literary form of poetry from dowdy pub function rooms to major stadium venues and made it possible for a new generation of poets to achieve rock star status.
QUIZ 2 Feb 2018 quiz, perplexus PERPLEXUS: ANSWERS TO QUIZ NUMBER 212
Sister Fibrosis (Q-23) Claim developers (R-1) Pizza mules (U-71) Chatroom and worse (U-97) Funboat diplomacy (W-63) Chancer of the Exchequer (B-57)
cookery 15 Feb 2018RECIPES, BREAKFASTARBROATH PORRIDGE
We are about to have some seriousy cold weather. When Gerald and I stay with our dear chum, Hamish, Duke of Arbroath, his wonderful cook Mary – an absolute poppet – always serves us this treat for breakfast in the winter months. You need it. Dounrary is one very cold castle!
To your hot porridge add a little milk, quite a lot of cream, some walnuts or pecans, yellow raisins, Muscovado sugar, maple syrup and a generous splash of whisky, brandy or rum. Yum! Serve in elegantly hearty bowls accompanied by An Orkney Wedding, with Sunrise by Peter Maxwell Davies. Gerald, Bless him, prefers Hieland Laddie from Kenneth McKellar .
(Taken from Jacaranda Finch’s High Cooking, the No-nonsense Book of Haute Cuisine Ravelin Books £7.99)
NEXT WEEK: Soupe en croute
obituary 12 Feb 2018 OBITUARY, society, beggars
GORDON HALLIWELL Respected Civil Servant who devised a licensing scheme for beggars When the Mendicant Assessment Bill first came before Parliament the reaction was unequivocally
Category 4 Feb 2018SOCIETY, HUMOURThe origins of the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman stories are, according to Prof Ted Peasley, Professor of History at the University of West Spalding , the consequence of a mid-Edwardian era wave of enthusiasm for political correctness. In a lecture to the Craven Society at Wilmer Hall, the professor spoke of a time when inclusivity was the spirit of the day and ‘three Englishmen’ jokes came to be considered ‘no longer appropriate’.
YOUR LETTERS 2 Feb 2018letters, Dear Sir, Your picture of Rin Tin Tin does not show the legendary movie star, but ‘Nash’ Nashville, a contemporary, also of German heritage, who arrived on the West Coast from Tennessee and was employed doing security work for various Hollywood studios. I would suggest the confusion has arisen because Nash occasionally acted as a stand-in for Rin Tin Tin.
Henry Margate, Norwich
‘I used to work for myself, but I fell out with my employer’
– Reggie Peplow
Ski cuts snow, snow covers rock, rock cracks skull.
21st Century skiing proverb/Anon.
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